Future!

I have been very sad lately. My 10th year high school reunion is coming up and needless to say I am not attending! We have a facebook page and lately more and more people are posting what they have been up to. It is fun to hear from people whom I had not heard from for almost 10 years. But at the same time I get sad. Not because I am jealous of their accomplishments, but because my past accomplishments are in the past and I am just hoping for a bright future. You see, my former classmates are bragging (well not really, but …) their jobs, their recent promotions, and their satisfaction with the work they are doing. They post about their fulfillment of their contribution to the society and mankind. Some are bragging about becoming engaged recently, how happy and in love they are, or how great their partner or spouse are.  We also have one couple, both in our class, who have a little boy. Some of my former classmates are posting pictures of recent vacations, with their great tan, fit body, in cute little dresses, and with big smiles. Others are posting pictures of their new homes, and post how proud they are of their renovations and decorations. I can't compete!

Yes, I have pictures of my vacations but they are over a year and half old. Yes I am very happy in those pictures, smiling, having my ex by my side. But we are no longer together, so what is the point! Or I could tell them about my accomplishments at my job before I started back at school, but again what is the point, I am not there any longer! Or I could tell them about my love of antiques and how I have bought old chairs or tables and have restored them into amazing unique pieces, but what is the point, they are all carefully packed and stored in my parents basement!

My life right now, from afar, looks very pathetic! I am working as a front desk person at a gym, scanning members cards, handing them towels, wishing them good workout, answering any questions they might have, answering phones, and giving tour to people who want to become members! I am living with my parents! I am 73+ pounds overweight. I have no significant other to speak of, not even dating! But I am hopeful of my future. In 4 to 5 years I am hopeful that I have graduated and am working in a great company, satisfied and proud of my job. I hope to meet and fall in love with my future husband. And I daydream that we will be living in our beautiful home. So yes, I feel that my future in bright, lol, no but seriously.

I am in a very good PhD program, with amazing prof/mentors. I love my project. This field is fairly new and every once in a while I see an article on Yahoo.com stating its potential and growth in the next decade and asserting that the graduates in this field should not worry about not finding a job. They are predicating this field is one of the fastest growing fields in the next 10 years. So if I get this sadness out of the way and not mess up at school I know that I have put myself in the right track to success. Everyone who has defended his/her dissertation recently or are scheduled to defend in the next few weeks, either are working fulltime now and loving it, or have an offer they have accepted and are just enjoying some downtime.

The reason I am staying at my parents is to take care of our cats. Even if I had my own place I would still be here while my parents are away. Another reason for me staying here, and working at the gym is to save money. I have bought an apartment, well not really bought yet since it is being built now. They have given me the approximate completion time of next summer. It is in such a great location, in the middle of the city, close to everything, with a great view. When they first advertised that they were building this building I was so excited and announced that I was buying a unit. Then I decided to go to school fulltime and was about to give up on that. But my parents encouraged me and said that they would help me financially. They said they lend me money and I can pay them back later. When I got accepted to school with funding I went for it. So next year around this time I would be pound co-owner, lol, the other co-owner being the bank, of two-bedroom, a study, two and half bathroom, and a large balcony condo. I want to save as much money as I can now so that I wouldn't have to ask my parents for help. I know that whatever they give me they wouldn't let me pay them back and that is not right. I am 27 years old. I shouldn't be a burden on my parents any more. Well if my mom wants to buy me a new wardrobe once I lost all the weight, I won't protest, lol, but paying portion of my mortgage, that is another story!

I have been criticizing myself for letting myself go and gaining 40+ pounds in eight months, but since I started reading about Hypothyroidism I have been thinking maybe it was not all my fault and maybe there is a underlying health issue I am straggling with. I guess I will find out soon. But in the meantime I keep reminding myself that I am trying to correct my past mistakes and I am trying to lose weight. In fact I have lost 8.2 pounds in the past 3 weeks. Hopefully by next week I would reach 10 pounds loss mark in almost a month. I know that is slow, but I am on the right track. I have challenged myself to be at or below the weight I was when I started school last year by September. I know I can do it.

Not dating and not having a boyfriend is by choice. When my ex broke up with me after 5 years, I was devastated and embarrassed and I didn't tell too many people. I really thought we were getting married. After I left my job and started school I kept in touch with my former coworkers. There is this guy that I liked at work. We were good friends. Couple of months after I left my job I finally started telling people that my ex and I had called it quits. My coworker had also broken with his girlfriend around that time and so he asked me out. We went out a few times, but the stress of school and being embarrassed by my rapid weight gain, prevented me to continue that relationship. I wanted us to just be friends. We still exchange emails and I know he is still interested in me. But I just can't convince myself to date him, or anyone else in that matter, at my current weight.

So yes, I don't have a great job, but I know by our 15th year reunion I am going to have a great job. I don't have a place of my own, but I know by next summer I would have a great apartment and I am going to decorated beautifully with my unique furniture. I will have home I could brag about, lol. I might not be thin and fit now, but in nine months I am going to be at or close to my ideal weight. I am going to try my hardest to get there. And I might not have a boyfriend now, but I am hopeful of my future with a great man.